By Judith Parker Harris and Dr. Jo Ann Piña
During the months of April and May hundreds of thousands of Latinos peacefully demonstrated to send a message to Congress not to pass harsh immigration limitation legislation. The demonstrations were peaceful, thought-provoking and, to some, they were frightening. Why frightening? Because the demonstrations ultimately dealt with borders -- and how open or closed they should be. A border is another word for boundary, and boundaries get personal.
The problem is, most of us don’t understand our own personal boundaries or our feelings about our geographical boundaries, yet we will stop at nothing to protect them. Thus death threats to Latino leaders surface – taking us back to an era of discrimination, violence and demonstrations we thought we had already risen above.
So what is a boundary? The first definition is “the official line that divides one area of land from another.” The second definition is “the point at which something ends or beyond which it becomes something else.” The last few words are the key to the hullabaloo over boundaries – “beyond which it becomes something else.” What does it become? Beyond it is FEAR.
Think about your own personal boundaries and borders for a moment – all types of them – and see if you feel fear. There are walls, there are rules, there are laws, fences, security systems… there are personal boundaries, cultural boundaries, financial boundaries, educational boundaries, sexual boundaries and success boundaries. Behind all of them -- somewhere in a corner, lurking behind the anxiety of needing another boundary -- is FEAR.
What do you need to protect? Why do you need to protect it? What are you afraid of losing? Who has the power to take it away from you? Are you somehow entitled to more than it should have? How do we feel safe in this world? How many boundaries or borders will it take to do it?
Let’s look for a moment at Fear. Real fear or appropriate fear is a sense of apprehension or distress caused by the anticipation of danger. Real danger might be defined as a natural disaster, combat, life-threatening illness or threat, in short, exposure to harm, injury or loss. But sometimes we are taught false, perceived danger such as fear of being alone, fear of being broke, fear of not being liked, fear of change or of the unfamiliar, fear of being different, and fear of people who are or who look different—insecurities such as these are transferred into fear, and our bodies react the same way as they would to real danger.
It’s important to understand that these false fears are based on perceptions that many times have been passed down through generations or absorbed through various teachers, preachers, pundits and peers. Often times, they represent irrational, out-dated, out-grown thinking, that you often don’t even recognize, and if you did, would probably disdain.
To really understand your position on boundaries you must look at your belief systems and your relationship with fear. Anxiety is an early warning system to fear. There is information in anxiety, but you must calm down to hear it.
When you feel anxious, take 30 seconds to breathe and say,
“Hmmmm, I’m feeling anxious. Then take whatever action is necessary. Often, you’ll be in a situation to ask yourself some questions. Why am I feeling this way? Is this a learned anxiety? Has my thinking changed? Is this simply a repeat of an old, negative pattern? Do I need to expand my thinking and look at all sides of the issue? Am I continuing to think and feel this way just so I won’t have to change?
And, there it is. The big FEAR-inspiring word – Change. That’s the word that forces us out of our comfort zones. Talk about boundaries and borders – our comfort zones have barbed wire fences around them. Issues make us examine those fences. Do we want them to come down or do we need to guard them even more protectively? Start with a serious talk with yourself. The answers you find may surprise you. One big hint to get you started is this: All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way. For a 20-page free report on Fear and Change, go to www.culturalblockbusters.com.
Judith Parker Harris and Dr. Jo Ann Piña joined forces to create Cultural Blockbusters. They are the only team of professional, internationally recognized speakers who assist leaders and teams bust through cultural blocks and attain a Business Attitude Makeover (BAM). To reach Cultural Blockbusters go to www.culturalblockbusters.com or call 866-375-6266.
